Salvation
I am sorry, but this is non-negotiable. You can’t and you will not build any sustainable Christian home with an unbeliever. A goat will always be a goat and will by no means cooperate with sheep. As I hinted a few articles ago that the greatest challenge in the church today is that a great many church members are good at pretending to be Christian. Then when it comes down to the very thing that matters most, that is inside marriage, a person starts showing the true colours of being an unbeliever. Nevertheless, I believe there is still a huge number of godly, Christ-loving ladies inside our churches. I pray the good Lord may direct you to that woman, so you can join hands with her and love her with the Ephesians 5 kind of love.
Morality
The world says a beautiful woman is the one with a very small bum short, a yellow skin, a talkative mouth, and breasts bulging out from their usual place. That, my dear Christian, is a pure definition of an ugly woman. Such does not draw any attraction for someone to build a future with. And even women themselves know that, although they sometimes pretend not to know. True beauty, according to Apostle Peter, is of inward purity of the heart, which is described as “the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” ( 1 Pet 3:4). Once that is in check, it will affect outer behavior, including dress code. I mention dressing as a vital characteristic of a marriage-type godly woman because who wants to have a wife who does not respect her own body, but cheapens it and exposes herself to the public? This is why we stress that you need to marry a believer. Because those ladies whose behavior is nothing short of worldliness and immorality are actually proving that the grace of our Lord Jesus and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit has not found them, at least not yet.
Work and Hygiene
Imagine yourself already married, and you wake up in the morning to find the whole house a mess because your wife finds it so hard to do simple hygienic chores like sweeping the floor, washing dishes, clothes and even cooking itself. There are such kinds of ladies in our society who are naturally heavy-handed. However, Godly womanhood, according to Paul’s letter to Titus, also includes being a “homemaker”. That means being able to be busy at home to keep the house in order. When you spot that kind of a lady, my dear son, be assured that you have found yourself the one.
Humility
There are some girls – God save you from them – who think that they only deserve a man who comes from a rich family, (probably has his own car). So as to join marriage hands with that boy, not for the reason of love and Christ’s glory but to enhance their pride and showoff. Such unfortunate souls do not target your godly character, as long your wallet is a little fat, they are all the more willing to agree to your proposal. However, the right girl for marriage for any young man is she who will accept you in your humble state, and be prepared to help you work hard to improve your economic status – together. Apart from that, is nothing but trouble my friend.
Upon Consulting the book of Titus again, we find these characteristics of a godly woman: “Reverent in the way she lives, not slanderous, not addicted to much wine, self-controlled, pure, kind, teacher of what is good, and busy at home” (Tit 2:3-5). We must not be afraid of demanding and expecting a Biblical standard among those who claim to be believers, including church girls.
Summary
Gentlemen, choosing a marriage partner is the single most important decision you will ever make. Because anything else you will do in life, especially your Christian life and ministry perhaps, will be directly influenced by your wife, for the worse or the better. In all this remember, we are not looking for perfection, after all, sin is a problem that troubles even the best of God’s people. But still, it is unwise to randomly select anybody because they wear a skirt. You need to be “wise as snakes and harmless as doves”, if I may borrow the words of our Lord. Here is more encouragement: Don’t worry much about marrying the wrong one, but be more concerned about cultivating your own spirituality and godliness as a man. So that whatever girl the Lord will send your direction, she will see your example of trust, integrity, sincerity, hard work, etc. and she will be challenged to correct her own shortcomings because of you. That is what I have for you today, hopefully, it is helpful. Otherwise, happy hunting!
Sinothi Ncube
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