It is a proven fact that there are already (inside our churches) many young, smart, godly women who are open and perhaps ready for marriage but they just can’t find anyone man in enough to match their quality. There is a famine in the land with regard to godly men in our churches. As one joke says, if a lion were to be let loose among us, it would starve to death because there are no men to eat.
Now, when it comes to finding the “right man”, please forsake the worldly idea that an ideal husband is the one with a car, a large bank account, educated and with huge body muscles. That kind of fantasy is popular in worldly magazines, but is nowhere near the partner that the Lord might have in store for you. In fact, if I may disappoint you further, there is no “perfect husband” for you anywhere on earth. The only perfect man was crucified for our sins, and is now sitted on His glorious throne, making intercession for all the imperfect ones. That said…what then are the characteristics of a good husband that aspiring wives must look out for? What are the traits of a husband material?
Salvation
We all are familiar with the biblical idea that believers must not be unequally yoked with the lost. However, I have noticed that it's now even harder to discern the difference between true Christians and pretenders, mainly because our churches no longer preach the true Gospel, at least most of them. Hence many are able to act like believers, so as to win the hearts of young ladies. Only for them to return to their original goat skin once inside marriage. However, I still contend that true believers – as rare as they are – are still noticeable. Goldy fruit of love, mercy, kindness, patience, and self-control can’t be hidden. Hypocrites find it hard to maintain godly character because it’s against their nature. Therefore, look for a born-again, saved, Christ-loving man, and you will win yourself a good husband.
Maturity
We live in a world where childhood has gone as high as 30 years, can you imagine? Many of our church gentlemen are grown in body but are (sadly) just not willing to grow, brainwise. This is why many of these guys enjoy being under their parents until forever. I mean those guys that are more preoccupied with playing video games than they are with finding work. They are always not ready to take independent responsibility for their lives, including the ability to make hard life decisions for themselves. Even more, such folks can hardly work for their income or manage their finances without outside supervision. That kind of man will be a piece-job to get married to, my beloved sisters. If it’s so hard for this boy to take responsibility for himself, how then will he take care of a wife and kids? Therefore, always look for this fundamental ingredient of maturity in your pursuit of your future partner. Maturity is non-negotiable because it’s what separates boys from men. No woman of godly sanity wants to tie herself with a mama’s boy.
Purposeful
If perhaps, you are in a relationship, and you wonder what kind of a man will he become if marries you, just ask him this question: What is your purpose in this life? And you will be amazed that most church boys – well-meaning as they are – have no desire to do anything with their lives. I mean they have no God-glorying purpose, at all! Totally uninterested in using their lives to serve the Lord in some way. That is a bad sign that your aspiring husband is still a babe in his Christian growth. One way or the other that will affect your Christian marriage.
The second purpose that must possess his mind is a purpose to marry you and to spend his life loving you as Christ loved His Church. That includes being proactive in promoting your relationship with Christ, not destroying it. Again, beware of a man who claims to love you yet he can’t and never clearly outlines what his plan and purpose about you is. It means such an individual is still having two opinions about the relationship. That is a red flag.
Work Ethic
You see ladies, if ever you get married to a lazy man, there is one thing that will happen: you will starve to death. Or you will work overtime for him; to spoon-feed his slumber. Life in Africa is already hard, which means we all have to dig deep just to earn a living. Hence you need a man who is not a coward, but a manly man who is prepared to take any job, no matter how hard, no matter how less paying, as long it will bring bread to the table. This is very important because a man who cannot provide for his household, says my Bible, is worse than an unbeliever. By the way, we actually glorify God through the honourable work of our hands. Just as He Himself worked 6 days in the creation of the universe. This is actually tied to the maturity factor that I hinted above, because such a man who is unwilling to get his hands dirty so as to feed his family is showing a great deal of childishness.
The conclusion of this discussion is like this: Brethren, our Christian world is already overflowing with fine ladies who are still waiting for their kinsman redeemers. However, it seems like the masculine gender is at its lowest when it comes to godly manhood. The only words I would say to my believing sisters is that let us go back to our prayer closets, who knows, perhaps your life partner is closer than you know. In fact, if I may motivate you with the words from Voddie Baucham, “God found a spouse for Eve while there was no one else on earth, He sure can find a spouse for you.” Yet while you wait for him, I dare you not to get desperate until you cheapen yourself onto those “boys” who have neither the ability nor the courage to build a sustainable future with you. I say this as a father with an upcoming daughter. Cry my beloved Land.
Sinothi Ncube
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